Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Today has been a long day, all of it spent in clinic.
I had to move things round to accomodate a hearing I have to go to next week, so things worked out that I had two clinics running back to back.
This after the trial by fire that was the meeting with you-know-who yesterday.
So this meant today was a day of being dumped with a lot of stuff on top of an already battered ego.
Now stuff is a funny thing.
Some days, I can take all kinds of horrendous stuff and emotion and rage and sorrow and carry it round and hold it and detox it and pass it back processed and send people away happy.
Some days, especially back to back clinic days, by the afternoon, the stuff container starts to get a bit full, and my ability to be the holder of all things starts to diminish and the processing process runs out of steam.
And it just so happened to be a day of pretty graphic gut wrenching stuff.
I know that is part of my role, to be a container for these cowardly acts that humans do to each other, but now it's stuck and a part of me.
My head hurts, the boys are noisy and there is no peace anywhere in my house, my head or my heart.
And despite my absentmindedly saying two decades of the rosary while waiting for work to open this morning, no peace in anywhere like a soul either.
I'm one crazy mixed up atheist.
So in a minute I shall run the bath and light the candles and put on some classical music and hope that the boys can occupy themselves for more than five minutes and leave me in peace to try and process the day so that the night won't be such a challenge.
Evil is real and a terrible thing...

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