Tuesday, November 27, 2007


106,000 words
Now I can stop writing day in day out and think for a bit....
Son1 had his interview for residential college today.
With so much riding on this everyone had everything crossed that it would go well.
We were however foiled, by manga, as ever.
One potential student there, let's call her "L" was clearly bright, doing A levels, challenging and very rude.
But she knew about manga and the pair chatted away like anything.
So when in the group task she became more challenging and the others started to get at her, he came to her defence initially, but she was hostile to him.
And he retreated into himself, as he does.
Hiding away in his body, when he cannot hide away in space.
And he had "memory pain" of times in the past when this had happened, making him worse.
So he took himself off and they didn't see the wonderful brilliance that is Son1, but the stressed, anxious soul seeking to disappear.
I can only hope they saw enough in the morning to make them realise that he needs this so much and so do we....


And when he got home we chatted and told him how wonderfully well he has done and even if he doesn't get in, we'll do it all here like they do there...
And he smiled and laughed and spent an hour with me setting up the Wii he had for his birthday....him setting it all up and me reading the instructions as we went along. We got there in the end! Like we will in life.....

Friday, November 23, 2007

I hate my job

I really do.
So does job share partner.
Today we reached the last straw after another management brilliant idea which would mean once more we did more work for less pay and talked tactics
She didn't favour my plan, which was to enter the pron industry, as she felt two fifty year olds would have a limited life and income in it. She favoured a more Thelma and Louise approach, though I told her driving off the cliff was one thing but I drew the line at wearing headscarves.
So not reaching agreement and running away together being not an option due to the fact that two families were totally dependant on our income, we just dreamt stupidly away. Our departure from work was delayed as the alarm wouldn't go switch off, meaning a door was open and after having been through the building and discovered I wasn't the culprit for once who left a door ajar, we departed under a wonderful moon to our respective homes and families.

I spent the rest of the evening writing nano wise. The little group are due to leave Lourdes soon to travel back to the UK, thankfully, as I did wonder if I was ever going to get them home, what with losing Edgar in the mountains and Sister's vindictive phone calls. I have been surprised by how mellow I have made the story and the religious people (apart from Sister) compared to the way it was planned and can only think that my angst at religion has lessened considerably. Maybe as writing this has tapped on the human side of the faith I left behind, the wonderful people I encountered, who treated other human beings like human beings, with feelings to be considered, instead of as disposable objects to be cast aside when they ceased being useful.

(Note to self, put work and other stuff in box and shut the lid. NOW!)

But those people who went and still go to Lourdes, reflect the side of the faith that I loved, the active, lived side. I still try and live it in my own way, just without the belief being a part. Maybe I haven't changed that much after all.....

Still, with son1's birthday fast upon us and then a rapid descent to Christmas, will hardly have time to think. Better get this book done and dusted quick...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007


Hit 50k Sunday evening- day 11. Not bad, although whether the 50k words will ever make sense is another matter. It has once again been productive, entertaining and hugely therapeutic. I have been surprised by just how peaceful writing about Lourdes made me feel, even though I do not believe, the atmosphere that I find there of friendship and humanity uniting through joint suffering managed somehow to permeate through the words I was writing into my fingertips and seep through my body. I am reminded that out there are many who unannounced love and care for others with no song and dance, not everyone exploits, abuses, hates. Sometimes with my work, it is hard to remember that....

It also helped me gain perspective on my recent difficulties. I have now lost over a stone in weight and haven't eaten more than three meals in November, surviving on rolls and fruit, which seem to be about all I can tolerate. Hubbie has given up buying food for me as I just don't eat it and I have had to stop wearing one of my work skirts as it doesn't fit any more! I will try, hard, to eat again, but at the moment even a roll is a bit of an effort. But at least nanowrimo gave me a focus, instead of mooching around feeling sorry for myself, I have been sorry for Maggie and the others, whose lives I have sadly inflicted with great difficulties. But Maggie isn't one to let a little thing like dying stop her living to the end. I just wish, now, having seen her grow, that I could save her, with a misdiagnosis, or a miracle.....

So onward. The story is probably two thirds of the way through and I plan to continue and finish the draft by the end of the month. Then will read it and think.....this is utter rubbish!
But it is my utter rubbish and I had a great time writing it.