Lourdes 2- telling and showing

I told V I was an atheist now
As I spend most of my life winding up my hubbies best and oldest friend, he didn't exactly take me seriously.
Neither did his room mate and partner in crime R
We were actually too busy looking after the wonderous blithe spirit that is Matthew to talk about it much ("if this is 2am it must be Tizanidine...")
The room was chaotic, suction and urinary catheters strewn about, the "rocket launcher" (oxygen cylinder) lying propped up next to the monopoly and the feed pumps beeping away in the background.
V & R (like My and myself) didn't even bother to unpack.
There wasn't room.
They also got used to us popping in at the usual awkward moments
Dignity for them went out the window.
And at the centre was Matt, lying there, cheekily guiding us all with his smile and his pointing (right for yes, left for no) and his mouthing of the word "Kong"
He watched it at least 7 times...

His glee at 6am when I went in to do the meds in making sufficient noise to wake up the sleeping V & R was a joy to behold, as was his delight in the use of syringes full of ice cold water to wake them up at 8am to help with the getting up routine.
Meanwhile, I got to be part of the bar staff, regularly popping down to get the meds stored in the fridge there. They chatted away to me in French and I nodded, not having a clue for the most poart what they were saying.
As always, the hotel tolerated noise, football in the corriders, painting, cutting, sticking, playdough and night prayers in the rooms at 11pm. Only 1 family booked out this week, we were told...
And they tolerated the messy rooms, resembling hospitals more than anything else.

And on Monday Fr M came to me with communion and I shook my head and declined a blessing and V & R realised I hadn't been joking
And Fr M looked at me and said nothing.
Later, 2 glasses of wine later in the evening, I apologised to him for not having said anything before.
He said he'd talk if I wanted.
Perhaps later in the week (it was 2am at this point)
I nodded.
But when the most time you spend asleep is 2 hours in a week at any one time, trying to find the words to talk about it proved none too easy.
And the focus of the week is outward, on these children who need so much but give even more back in return.
So little time for reading or thinking or discussing with priests.
And now, I need to have a doze again, to try and catch up on sleep before I go back to routine life tomorrow.