Sunday, November 09, 2014


I went to see my father this afternoon
On a ward full of other men and women who knew not where they were

He recognised me
Positive step one
Smiled and asked how I was

How was the police force?
Things began unravelling
The conspiracy there on the ward, the tribunal he had attended, been arrested
Here, this is my daughter, she is a doctor and a police woman
I am due to retire soon
Shall we say prayers?

The sign of the cross
An our father, hail mary, glory be
Then bye bye

Another afternoon of crazy talk
And leaving with heart broken
Walking away from the man who was
My father

Saturday, October 25, 2014


I demand to speak to your manager!
Just when things are sooooo smooth, life goes and upsets the apple cart, the pear cart and let us not even talk about the grapes. I now stand, surrounded by a virtual fruit salad of bruised and damaged items, once destined to be finely diced and mixed. I think I'll go on sit down strike, were it not for the unappealing scent of fermenting fruit and fruit flies flocking round.

Where did it all go wrong? I muse.

I think, once more, I allowed my pesky emotional brain to be in control. And once again it has gone over the top in trying to determine my life in a quite ridiculous way. So now, in the midst of dying parents, dependent sisters and sons and mad ADHD dogs, I also have a heart trying hard not to break in two. Because that would be bad at the moment.

I lift my eyes up to the hills, where to does my help come? (to put it in Welsh)

My help comes from within, my strength from my very weakness and vulnerability. Just sit and mindfully cry. Until the tears stop and the hurt is held and comforted. Then go and ring the dying mother, tease the sad sister, play with the mad dog and stand. Stand and face life, who has no manager but you.