Sunday, October 29, 2006

Moaning bones and laughing joints...

My bones are groaning.
I wish they'd shut up, I can do enough moaning and groaning without them joining in.
They seem to be saying...
"50 mile walk! Are you mad or what??"
I totally agree with them at this point, going to Lourdes for three days and walking 50 miles is not the most sensible thing to do when you have a probable active rheumatoid arthritis...
But if I listen to my bones, I guess I'd end up doing nothing, but sitting at home, wrapping myself up in cotton wool and having a pity party..
So, I'm listening to my joints instead, who are far more sensible.
They say "Keep us moving, but don't stress us too much. Keep us laughing and smiling and oil us with tablets and accept the fact that this is how it is going to be. If we fight off the attack, we'll find it easier to laugh, if we don't, maybe more difficult, but we'll still succeed!"
My joints are far more optimistic than my bones.
I think I'll go with them.
If the arthritis gets better- I'll find it easier to smile but if it doesn't, I cannot make it better by moaning and groaning and sitting in a hole. I need to just listen to my joints, put the bones on ignore and carry on to meet the next hurdle.
And you can see why I have to go from the total I've got...
Thanks to all my lovely sponsors.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Just a little passage I read.

This is- virtually- a copy of a message I sent someone.
Talking about faith, belief and so on...
I do rabbit on a bit...

Just a little passage I read...

Earlier today I found a book I'd mislaid for sometime, found rather thankfully, as it is hard to get.
Another of those little co-incidences
Called "Dance in the Dark" and written by Sidney Carter, writer of Lord of the Dance, it chronicles his loss of traditional faith and his movement from loyalty to Christianity to loyalty to truth, but with a realisation that in truth, he would not be disappointed, nor would he disappoint any God worthy of the name.

This passage struck me:
My Jesus is surrounded by a question mark.
Lack of conclusive proof concerning what he did or said is an essential element of what he is.

What kind of proof can I expect?
Round the lips of pre-classical, archaic staues of the gods and goddesses
of ancient Greece hovers a playful smile: ironical and yet serene. There, I find an answer to my question.

"The question you ask is not the right one. The proof you seek is not the kind of proof that matters.
Back your hunch and take your chances, that is how the game is played.
You are part of creation, so create.
To create, you have to play.
You ask for dead certainties; all we offer is living possibilities.
Sulk and you will get no pity.
So take up your fate, your cross (if you prefer to call it that) and use it to create."
The Jesus that I choose is one who takes up the challenge
"You are right" he says "that is how the game is played."
So I create.
I show the song I hear, the dance I feel.
That is what I choose and I back it with my life.

I think I need to stop sulking and get back to dancing!
To dancing in the light and dancing in the dark.
To reclaim the Jesus that I can believe in- his teachings, his compassion, his challenge to live and love; and to live it in my life the best way I can.
Whether I can see a God in the sky or not.

Monday, October 09, 2006

A rose...

The Rose- Bette Midler

When the night has been too lonely and the road has been too long;
And you think that love is only for the lucky and the strong;
Just remember that in the winter, far beneath the bitter snow;
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love in the spring becomes the rose.

Time to move on.
I just have to wait for the sun to return, which it will, it always does.
The heaviness that is so hard to shift will ease and be replaced.
But I know that what I once had has perished in the snows, and maybe was never truly there to begin with and will never return.
And I know it is fruitless to continue searching.
Still, I have some life left to live, things to do, sensations to enjoy, sorrows to meet.
Children to bring up and send on their way, cards to make, clients to help and listen to,
Friends to laugh with
Mikey to be with....
Because I have loved life, I shall continue to live and at the end, I shall have no sorrow to die.

No, not adieu..

After all...

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important".

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Bible- Why??

I've recently been reading Gerald Priestland's excellent "Priestland's Progress- One Man's search for Christianity now."
Priestland, a Quaker, made a radio series in the early 1980s for the BBC which encompasses a journey through Christianity, interveiwing many different Christians and others to explore his own faith in a personal and deeply moving way.
As I read the views of many people interviewed, one thing that struck me was their reliance on the Bible as the guide for their faith, without any of them really saying why they did that- which to them may be self evident, but in my position at the moment, it is not.
So I suppose my question is why should one regard the Bible as the word of God, and perhaps, more importantly, what does that actually mean to individual Christians?
I'm deliberately posting this here, not GA because I'm not after a debate but answers from Christians to questions I have.
Thanks in advance

Posted here at CF...
But I asked for it to be closed.
Well no one seems to understand what I'm asking and I'm not sure if I fully understand it myself.
Directed to how often the question has been answered before, I didn't feel I could say, after reading the answers in the many links given, I know that, all that and it doesn't answer what I'm asking.
I think it's because what I'm searching for is proof and proof will never be found.
And faith has gone, so there's no way back.
But if anyone out there can tell me why the bible?- I'd be grateful...
Or even tell me what I'm asking- it might be a start.

I wept buckets over that thread too- it'll be the last time I do something like that at CF! I'm back to fluff, stupidity and glitter...

Monday, October 02, 2006

Psalm 121

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm— he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

I loved this Psalm.
Every time I passed a hill or mountain, it ran through my mind and my heart.
Being watched over by a Lord who cared
Who would keep me from harm.

Now I knew that was not physical harm
I had my share of that!
Nor emotional, mental harm.
But spiritual harm
I had a God who would keep me safe if I but trusted.

Went pear shaped.
Now the Psalm rings hollow
The cries of victory that once filled me with strength say nothing
Say that I was deluded, the book that once I placed my faith in is no more of God than the writings of all those others...
The faith I held and held so dear was straw, myth, fable.
And I stand alone...

I know I sound sorrowful, which I am.
But I am not looking for anything but understanding.
I have no choice but to feel this way, no option but to walk on
And hope that whatever I walk into will be truth, will be reality
Not fable.
I remain open.
I trust and hope that if out there somewhere there is a god, who wants me to know of him
He will let me know and guide me
But I have little hope of that happening