Monday, August 31, 2009

Story from the start of the finish

It was probably a bit premature to call a post some time back the "Story from start to finish." So I guess the title here is a bit more appropriate. If the finish was the point at which I realised all I treasured and valued was lost, what I have come to realise in the last few years of dealing with this, is that there is seems to be no finish, rather a series of perpetual starts. I have been wandering round in circles, bumbling and staggering (especially since my foot drop- though that is another story) and occasionally dropping to the floor with a thunderous crash. But each time I have dragged myself up and start again, sometimes battered and bruised but always reflective, always ready to try again.

A few years on and I seem to be getting used to it, even relishing it as a challenge. As I said to son1 yesterday when in his best "drama queen" voice he asked me if I found him difficult, after 3 hours of prolonged nagging and pestering. "No, challenging!" and he laughed, as he had just started to recover his sense of proportion. Being able to see life as a series of challenges, some more fun than others, some painful and distressing, is helping me through life more than I would have thought possible. It is hard sometimes not to be like son1 and adopt the drama queen stance, in fact, sometimes it looks a welcome path, but the rocky, steep inclines and facing the spiders and dragons along the way is infinitely more rewarding and enjoyable in the end. And as a result, I no longer fear the spider!

So as once more I face September and the month it all began in many ways, I smile ruefully and wistfully for innocence lost and friendships gone, but know I hold now in my hands the answer.

If I could remember which hand I put it in....

And could find my glasses to locate it....

Answers on a postcard please!