Sunday, June 10, 2007


I took this video clip today from which the above photo is taken. While wandering around in my usual somewhat aimless fashion, I happened upon several damselflies up to no good in our garden pond. One wonders what sort of moral and ethical dilemmas damselflies have to cope with, they are apparently inclined to homosexual sex on occasions and the male holds on to the female firmly after mating so she doesn't go off and do anything untoward, like mating with another male. Anyway, they held me rapt for ages, until son1 yelled at me to get back in the house as he wanted me for something important. To tell me he was tired. He was bored. And he wanted something to eat.

So I left them to it, and when I next went back to our little pond, they were nowhere to be seen. I must watch out for the larvae, I think I saw them last year or the year before, but this year there may be more....

And I wondered what is it exactly that separates us from these beautiful damselflies? At times, as a species, we hold ourselves up, put ourselves on a pedestal, but often, like the animals we are, we are driven not by higher ideals, but by the same instincts that caused those delightful creatures to hold firm to each other.

And often, daily, in my job, I learn of those who suffer as the result of others acting on their instincts, their desires, their wants. Who have been receptacles for the other and now cannot survive with the knowledge of their past, which is deeply written on every fibre of their being.

And I don't have the answer for them.
The answer to their "Why?"
The answer to how to wipe it out.
The answer to how to live from day to day without this shadow over everything and anything that happens.

I turn to others, but they don't have answers either.

Sometimes it is all we can do, protect and wait and hope.

And offer hope to them, that one day, the knowledge might be a dagger rather than a case full of swords, a lighted match rather than an all consuming flame.

I can only hope....

Saturday, June 02, 2007

one dog, one cat

"Mother of two boys, one dog, one cat..."

All profiles generally and names have something to do with Cat- partly because it's part of my name, partly because my beloved cat is so important to me.

And sitting in the car, being picked up from a solitary two day break in London, to try and invigorate me ready for work again, I received the news that all pet owners dread.

Jj was no more, run over by a car, her dead body being found by a caring woman, who took the time and trouble to trace us.

The boys, learning this while I was away were all devastated, all (including hubbie) cried.

Hubbie, who never liked animals, who didn't want the dog, let alone the cat, cried.

And they buried her down at the allotment, under one of the trees.

So no more Jj, waking me up in the morning, purring at me, closing her eyes at me, treading her paws softly on my bed.

No more Jj, wrapping herself around my legs as I walk or sit, saying hi to me in her way.

No more Jj bopping Sandy with a soft velvet paw, claws in, rolling on the warm patio, no more gentle cuddles with the supremely relaxed and loving cat, who never scrammed me once.

I'm still in stun mode, keep thinking she'll be coming back.

But she will not.

My life, our lives, were all made more cheerful and joyful, more blissful, by the presence of this small, dark, loving creature.

She will be missed.

Greatly missed.....