Ok, pity post, that sort of mood triggered by something I've just read...
Skip if you're feeling down and go and get some ice cream instead.
Do you want to know how many mortal sins I am committing, according to something I read today?
In brief and none too accurately, loads.
By not going to mass, not receiving communion, not going to confession, etc etc. And mortal sin is a sin that
"brings death to the soul and offends God very much."
So I've had my chips, basically.
And I have tried so hard to make myself believe in god, I have honestly.
I've read and prayed and thought and not thought and I just cannot see him there anymore.
I thought I'd got somewhere, to a stage of accepting that god would find me.
But that seems to have fizzled out...
Because I want to be able to believe again as I did before, to join the prayers, the rosary, the chat and to really believe that he is there.
You'd have thought wanting to believe so much that something would happen
But it doesn't and I am left, false face on being happy and joyful but dying inside.
I wish I was in that blissful state of belief and trust
But it has gone, never to return.
So, I just have to accept it, have an occasional moan like now, but accept that for me, there is no god
I can create a god out of my belief in the overwhelming importance of kindness and loving all
But it will never replace the god I thought I knew and loved
And that I will just have to live with...
If I could turn back time