"An unbelieving heart is declared by God to be evil. Why? Because it mistusts God, and mistrust is evil - it knaws at your soul and grieves the heart of God. Indeed, mistrust and unbelief seperate you from the living God. One thing, however, can help you to overcome unbelief and mistrust. Picture to yourself the image of Jesus, the Lamb of God, in His amazing love for you. Worship the Father for His unending love in giving His only begotten Son as a sacrifice for you. Then you will not be able to do otherwise than trust Him.Take care, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. Heb. 3:12"
Posted today at CF
The problem is, when I picture God now, this is what I see...
"See, this is my problem.
It is perhaps one of the biggest stumbling blocks I have with regard to Christianity of the sort that believes in hell for eternity.
And perhaps the best way I can explain it is this.
Imagine sitting quietly in a room with a piece of paper.
On that paper write down the name of the person you love most in the world.
Then write next to that "will spend eternity suffering in hell."
Look at that paper.
Imagine hell, the hell you believe in and then imagine the person you love most in the world there.
Whatever torments you imagine for someone, imagine them going through that, without end.
Now picture yourself face to face with God.
Keep that image of the one you love in your mind, their cries, their screams, their pleas for mercy and look into the face of God and see justice, love and mercy and want to worship him.
I cannot do that.
I have tried.
If I cannot imagine my loved ones suffering, how can this infinitely compassionate merciful just God do that?
Like I said, for me, one big stumbling block."
I cannot conceive of there being a god who is like this anymore.
In fact, I can no longer see a god as more than the wishful thinking of humans desperate to live forever.
Which I no longer believe in.
So why can I not get hell out of my head?
Why the pre-occupation?
Because it is burnt into me.
I don't know if I will ever be able to walk freely like others seem to do.
I think I'm condemned to walk forever with a weight in my heart and on my shoulder.
Forty years of belief is hard to leave behind...