Friday, January 13, 2006

Deconversion- Isn't it fun?

Deconversion: Isn't it fun?
The last two weeks in November and December were- well like hell on earth.
My thoughts were fuzzy, initially, everything mushed up
"Gospel truth"
Facts fought for attention alongside ideas and faith
I tried so hard to trust, to place it all in his hands, but a little bit of me cried out that it wouldn't work this time, because he wasn't there.
I tried to think outside the box, as if he wasn't there and found I couldn't.
But everything I had held to started to seem like so much straw.
I had been betrayed, misled, misinformed for all those years.
But I would not let go.
I might not at this point regard myself Catholic anymore, but I would not let go of God
He was too precious in my life
Last blog entry, 21st November...

Rhetorical question..

Here's a mad rhetorical question
on earth do people cope who deconvert?
Take, for example, a staid, middle aged chunky woman like me.
Supposing I were to conclude that God no longer existed or that I was given proof on a plate
Like that book where the body of Christ was found...My world would just about fall apart
Here am
I, socially, emotionally, spiritually, cognitively tied to a world in which
God is.
He is the begining of all and the end of all that I hold dear.
My day starts with prayer, my night ends with it
Throughout the day, I speak to God, I consult, I follow
Anything that happens, I put down to His influence in some way, as being part of
His will
Everything happens for a reason, everything has a purpose
And my family the same, my hubbie, my in laws,
parents, friends
My spare time consumed with things that are focused on, have their centre in the
I tried today to even think of things being outside of His influence and it was
not achievable
It is, of course, only a rhetorical question
one hopes...and prays...
Lord I believe
thou my unbelief

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