Remembering those days when I believed...
Remembering praying- turning to someone greater than I and throwing myself on Him
Throwing my horrors and sadness and woes into Him, knowing he would take them and give them back to me as strength
Shutting my eyes and drawing wisdom from something so much greater than me
So in times when I knew I was not wise enough or clever enough or strong enough to face what was going on, He was there to hold me up and walk with me and lead me through.
Seeing a sunset and wondering at His power and cleverness
Seeing someone love and thanking Him for sending them
Feeling Him inside, talking to me, listening to me.
Telling Him things I could tell no one else
And wanting to share Him, the joy and happiness he brought to me, with others.
So don't dare to say I knew Him not, because I knew then just as much as you know now.
It's just that He's disappeared and I can't see Him anymore.
If He was there, He wouldn't hide. Not the God I knew.
I was just deluding myself.
And don't dare to say I didn't seek or didn't open my heart, because I did and I do.
It's just that there is no one there to open it to.
I want to believe but there is no one there to help my unbelief.
Sorry, so sorry.