Sunday, March 19, 2006

Back to the start...

Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles
Chasing tails
And coming back as we are

I've had a pretty tiresome day, in some ways. T had a megatizz, lasting an hour and a half, half of it on the way home from a lovely trip in the sunshine to Gloucester. As ever, he got something in his head and couldn't shake it. A year ago, he and Mw had traded a game, because T hated his game. Now he wanted it back, he still hated it, but he had to have it back. Mw didn't want to swap (still plays and enjoys said game that T couldn't even do the tutorials on.)
All the way home T ranted and once home he followed me round ranting.
Nothing would help until finally he exhausted himself, and sat sobbing on my bed.
I finally got through to him and we looked at how to approach things.
He went off to look at Amazon for a book and got diverted while on the internet, so that when my mother called unexpectedly, he was quite calm and her visit settled him down.
Thankfully, for my head was shot to pieces by then.
He's now happily playing with Mw some sort of game that needs an atlas...

As for me, in the midst of this, I picked up a copy of the Pope's first letter while in the Abbey we went to.
And on the back it says this:
"Individual Christians and the Church as a body must exercise charity and service to all in need, not motivated by any self interest nor to take upon herself a political struggle, but simply to make the living God visible."
Going back to the start really, no one said it would be easy and I still do not believe, nor do I think I will ever be a catholic again. But it is good to see his words echoing what I am thinking, even if I am trying to make him visible to myself.
And oh phoey, "Fix You" has just come on the music I'm going to cry
But I think I've been partially fixed, and even if this is as good as it gets, it's OK.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try
To fix you...

1 comment:

faerieeva said...

*gives you a warm hug*

What a difficult day! I know the feeling when your head feels like exploding and you just want to shout: "for heavens sake be quiet for about five minutes and leave me some peace." But you know they can't help themselves and you just struggle to hold on.

I'm glad you're rediscovering the kindness as a core of faith. Without love... there is nothing. These three remain: hope, faith and love, but love is the greatest of them all. That is my Faith, which I have found fulfilled.
Each step you take towards love, will be a step closer to the core of yourself. And if you are indeed an image of God, a step closer to Him, visible or invisible.

I'm glad, Cat. I'm glad for each grain of peace that you find.