Tuesday, December 05, 2006

One year ago today

One year ago today...

I lost my faith.
My belief, my trust, my love of God, the God who I once believed had made me to know him, trust him and love him in this world and the next.
Who had redeemed me through the sacrifice on the cross.
Whose name I called on all the time.
One year ago I looked into the sky and realised it was all gone.

And this has been a year of mourning, with occasional bursts of dancing, as I learnt to say goodbye to faith and to live without the colour that it had brought my life.
In all things.
My thoughts, words, deeds, feelings, experiences.
My relationships.
The way I saw and perceived the world around me, nature, animals, flowers, joy, destruction, love, hate.
It coloured it all, without exception.

But now it is time to move on.
To discover how wonderful reality can be.
How the colour has not gone, just changed in hue.
So I need to turn and stop mourning, get up and start dancing again.
And tackle things left hidden for years under piles of fear and guilt, to confront and accept realities about myself and the world that I would far rather not face.
To explore, alone, with friends, with strangers, the mysteries that face us all.
To enjoy the journey for its own sake.
So today I will raise a glass to you my friends who have walked with me this past year.
In acknowledgement of your friendship and care.
May your lives and your journeys bring you the happiness and richness you deserve.



Rosa_Mystica said...

Hi Cat,

Like I said, I've got mixed feelings on congratulating someone on a deconversion. That being said, you *do* deserve a hearty "congrats" to a year's worth of honesty, self-discovery, and hard work. Msny people don't get as far in their entire lives as you have in one year. You've done an excellent job so far, and I unhesitatingly commend you for it.

And mixed feelings or not, feel free to extend some nice words to me on Feb. 27 (my chosen "anniversary" date). ;)

Love Always,

aa said...