Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Message to a friend

Someone sent me a lovely message and this was my reply. I just wanted to reproduce it here, because it expresses how I am thinking at the moment about missing my faith...

"What I miss is quite simple, it is the presence of my faith in my life and the extra dimension it brought.
I felt secure and loved by a wonderful creator and overwhelmed by a God who became man and died for me.
I had what was for me a relationship with that God- and let no one deny that.
I miss that at times terribly and my birthday brought it out.
Just because a person was once in love with a cheating man who they thought was in love with them, does not mean once they find the truth out, the loss of the love they believed was there does not hurt.

Every now and then this surfaces...and lately, probably because I've been in pain and tired and emotional, it has surfaced with a bang.
But I know feelings do not facts make and as much as I want God back, I know that my wanting cannot make him any more real than Santa.
That hurts like heck at the moment, but sometimes, I have found, I have to let things hurt so I can work through them to the other side."

I cannot just take God back, make myself believe because I don't.
I want to believe as I did before but I can't.
So I just have to work through my hurt and come out the other side, a heathen, as I believe the term is, one of the great unwashed.
And it hurts to know that is how I am thought of, but it is, I guess, what I now am.

Thank you for all your support, my dear friends, I am sorry that it has not succeeded.
*hugs* to you all...


Rosa_Mystica said...

Hi Cat,

A few important points here. First off, it is important to shake off the negative self talk. Terms like "heathen" and "great unwashed" are viewed as downright derogatory. The people who use such hideous expressions are not worth your time. Especially when they are used to insult someone as kind and compassionate as yourself. Shame on people like that! Don't let their cruel words affect you.

Secondly, says who that others' support of you has not been successful? Is it just b/c the advice of others has not helped you to reconvert? I see you as being very open minded towards other viewpoints when you respond to the comments made on your blog. That, my dear, is a success. I've met a lot of close-minded people in real life, and the fact that you are not like this is a refreshing change from the ordinary. Also, I see others' support bring out your already compassionate nature. That, too, is an achievement. Don't ever forget it.

Just keep being honest with yourself. You've done well in that department, and I only expect that you will continue to make great strides on the path that we call "life".

Many, many hugs!


Cat said...

I think that if I am going to be in places where I will hear derogatory comments- I need to get used to it. Not directed at me, but directed at who I am, people often don't realise that they are doing it and if I am to continue asociating with all my beloved friends, both in virtual and real life, I have to find a way to deal with the feeling I get when I hear those words...
And for me, all I yearn for is what I lost to come back. But it has not come and will not come, so all I can do is move along in a cycle of grief and wait for the sadness to lift.
Which it will, one day.
But never completely, I think...