Saturday, October 20, 2007

Fallen like leaves

"Don't you come round here and tell me I told you so"
Sarah McLachlan "Fallen"

I have sunk quite low too
Messed up
Not done what a woman of my upbringing and inheritance should have done
Which was to carry on walking the path I should have
Carrying the faith high, full, complete
In my heart, my soul, my mind....

But I lost it
Or I threw it away
No matter which- and I know which one I believe happened
It has gone
And I am now in the cavern of darkness
Fallen so low
With the voices of a million
Laughing in my ears
At my stupidity and foolishness

And still I do not stop!
I carry on crawling around in the cavern
As if soon, somewhere, I will find some light in this darkness
A gem
A hidden secret
Instead of decaying rubbish

But suddenly I realise
I have not fallen
I had lowered myself down
Lowered myself to the floor
And this decaying rubbish
That I feel with my hands?
No! Beautiful fallen leaves
of multicoloured shades

They whisper to me
Trying to make me hear
Words that I need

"We need to be here" they say

"And you do too
The summer does not last forever
Neither does the winter
It cycles round
We are part of that cycle
Of birth and growth and death
And we finish in a flourish
Of flame coloured skies
Horizons filled with our glory
Before we descend to the floor
and cover it with a carpet of fire
for children to run through
Screaming and kicking
Seeming to abuse us,
but no
no abuse
they are growing too
as they need to
as he did too

You will grow
You are the indestructable Cat
who will not fail
despite being shaken
despite the tears
that have dried on their own

You will not break
You will see this dance through to the end
Because it is what you will do
What you want to do

We cannot hold to the tree
When our time comes to fall
We let ourselves down
Like you did
And lie here
Like you have

But now it is time for you to rise
To get up
and go
On with your dance
of exploration

and run through us first!
Kicking and laughing
Make us fly with the joy of your dance
And go in peace and contentment
For you will not be broken
And there is much more to find
Much more to live for......


Gerard said... write so beautifully and I don't always understand the significance...all I know is I worry about you...Gerard

Cat said...

I could say "Don't worry" but I know that is easier said than done! :)
I will be OK, I guess sometimes when I write I just let things flow and it doesn't always come out as best for other people to understand. I had been listening to Sarah's song Fallen and looking at trees and thinking about autumn when I wrote this, about how it is my favourite time of year and yet a time that is full of death and decay in a way. But autumn and winter have to come for us to have spring again, things cycle and what I hoped was that the way that I feel at the moment will go as I cope with it, and lead me to another Spring.
Take care, speak soon,

Aaron said...