Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Come out, come out part 2

"Mum, are you gay?"

Now that is not a question you expect your 15 year old son to ask. He actually said mum are you a lesbian, but it looks better like that.
I swallowed.
Why is my son asking me this?
Um, what to say?
Thinking quickly, I said to him"Why do you ask?"
My 15 year old has no need of assertiveness classes.
Patiently he repeated the question, several times, leaving me in no doubt he was curious for some reason and wanted an answer...

Dissemble? Prevaricate?
Tried both, he just kept firing the ultimate question at me.

So I told him the story, in suitable words, that I wrote last time and he listened in silence.

"So will you leave Dad?" a worry clearly visible on his face.

I explained his dad had known for a long time and that we had no intention of leaving each other. I loved dad, he loved me and we both loved him and his brother. I told him I thought of myself as bisexual now, but a bisexual in a monogamous relationship with his father, not about to run off with any man or any woman. The family was where I belong and where I stay...

He thought.
He grinned.
"Does Mgu know? (My mother.) Can I tell her if she doesn't?"
Blackmail opportunist!

He laughed and reassured me he would never tell anyone without my permission and we moved onto talk about other things.

I have no idea why he asked, he says it was a bit of a joke and I guess having seen my stunned reaction to the question, he wanted an answer, a truthful answer.
Was I right to give it to him?
I think so, I have no reason not to tell him, no reason to lie to him. He is old enough to ask the question and old enough to know.
But much further it should not go.
However well my parents have taken my lapse from the faith, this might be a bridge too far.
So this is as far as I come, at the moment....

4 comments:

Rosa_Mystica said...

Congratulations on being honest with yourself, and your husband and son. :)

As for telling your parents, I hardly think this is necessary. I know from experience how hard it is to keep a secret. But sometimes, I realize that *telling* certain people may result in more pain than withholding that same information from them.

Hope that you continue to grow in happiness. :)

Rosa

Cat said...

Thanks Rosa
He's a boy and a half that one and I hope that he'll never have the probelms that you and I have had to deal with....

benjdm said...

Maybe he found your blog...

Cat said...

I don't think so, he would be yelling at me for some of the things I've written if he had!
This conversation took place before I'd posted the last entry...