I hate my job

I really do.
So does job share partner.
Today we reached the last straw after another management brilliant idea which would mean once more we did more work for less pay and talked tactics
She didn't favour my plan, which was to enter the pron industry, as she felt two fifty year olds would have a limited life and income in it. She favoured a more Thelma and Louise approach, though I told her driving off the cliff was one thing but I drew the line at wearing headscarves.
So not reaching agreement and running away together being not an option due to the fact that two families were totally dependant on our income, we just dreamt stupidly away. Our departure from work was delayed as the alarm wouldn't go switch off, meaning a door was open and after having been through the building and discovered I wasn't the culprit for once who left a door ajar, we departed under a wonderful moon to our respective homes and families.

I spent the rest of the evening writing nano wise. The little group are due to leave Lourdes soon to travel back to the UK, thankfully, as I did wonder if I was ever going to get them home, what with losing Edgar in the mountains and Sister's vindictive phone calls. I have been surprised by how mellow I have made the story and the religious people (apart from Sister) compared to the way it was planned and can only think that my angst at religion has lessened considerably. Maybe as writing this has tapped on the human side of the faith I left behind, the wonderful people I encountered, who treated other human beings like human beings, with feelings to be considered, instead of as disposable objects to be cast aside when they ceased being useful.

(Note to self, put work and other stuff in box and shut the lid. NOW!)

But those people who went and still go to Lourdes, reflect the side of the faith that I loved, the active, lived side. I still try and live it in my own way, just without the belief being a part. Maybe I haven't changed that much after all.....

Still, with son1's birthday fast upon us and then a rapid descent to Christmas, will hardly have time to think. Better get this book done and dusted quick...

Leeds

Spent the weekend in Leeds with son2- he off seeing a friend, me off to town, window shopping, eating olives and drinking green tea with jasmine contemplating the last time I had done such a thing.
And in the evenings we talked. About life and love and relationships, cabbages and kings.
About what do you do when you feel your heart wrenched from you by rejection, loss, separation. Fifteen year olds can be quite insightful, and he could see much that i wouldn't even have grasped at his age.
But then he has Son1 to live with, to learn from, to use as a tool instead of a hinderance in his walk through the jungle that is adolescence.
And my heart aches, which have plagued me since the dreadful loss of all I held dear, are a tool for me too, to colour my words with reality and pain, felt, experienced, still present in some small way. But easier to carry.
And day after tomorrow is November the First which means just one thing.......







NANOWRIMO!


Arggghhhhh!
50,000 words- my aim is to complete by Nov 15th....
That's over 3,000 words per day.
I shall get my finger cream at the ready, my coffee pot filled in anticipation of a story the begining I haven't even started to sketch out in my mind!
It'll keep me off the streets.......and at the computer, where I belong.
So watch out for a small scatty welsh person, who is busy scratching her head and trying to think of ways of stopping her characters take over the plot again. Point her gently in the direction of Wales and tell her to get back to typing, or face the consequences......

Walks and words...

Well I managed 5 miles.

Was probably not wise, my knees and feet are still hurting. My neck was bad too, I dressed several peoples feet and the odd positions I stuck it in are still causing me grief.

But the joints have told me not to worry, that they'll settle down.

So I've gone straight from that into nanowrimo and I'm up to 17,000 words already. It's spured me on to finally leave CF, to empty my blessings bank, tear up my character, symbolically say bye to all there. Lost so much!

So at the moment, I think I'm written out, I've done about 6,000 words today and my head, hands and fingers hurt!

So I'm on a break, listening to Lindisfarne and drinking coffee while the boys watch the rugby.

And I'm trying not to think about Monday or week Tuesday...

After no deaths for ten years, two in two weeks and two inquests in 8 days.

I think that neither will be pleasant, for me and certainly not for the families, wrapped in grief.

Rest in peace.