Twenty years ago today

Twenty years ago today
Unto me
Was born a son
Not lustily crying
Waving his fists
Sucking and supping at my breasts
But floppy
And blue
And breathless
And while the nurses dithered and the doctors pondered
The oxygen wasn't enough
The glucose fell too low
Sensitive parts went into slumber
Never to awake

Twenty years later
My child man
Makes me laugh
Makes me cry
Makes me hope
And sometimes despair
I love his innocence
His truthfulness
His clear sighted vision

But oh if only
If only I had said
"No, get the doctor back"
Stamped and screamed
Instead of passively sitting
and trusting
Would now he be in some far away town
On the booze with friends
Studying for a degree in something hard
That I couldn't begin to understand?

There
The tears have come
I have to grieve
It is right to do so
I love him so much
But he lost so much
And that is something
That will always make me cry

But no words of sympathy needed
Crying is what I should do
I cannot undo the past
But I can mourn for what was lost in it
And I can rejoice for what was left to me
The dearest, funniest child man
To whom I dedicate my life

Happy Birthday Tom
Mum xxx